We were so thrilled. Would I have said, at 12 or 13, Hey Dad, hows about a trip to Home Depot on this fine Sunday? You also need to encourage your husband to be respectful of his daughters interests. The mother is at a loss as to why her husband is driving her daughter away, but she has a few theories. It seems way more acceptable to be a nut for sports but if you watch Buffy? "So last night, I did everything exactly the same way, but it was a disaster. I dont care if he thinks her shows are boring his wife and daughter deserve respect. (directed at the view in general, not you Fabelle) Am I not a read mid-twentysomething because I like them? But I would say that Dad needs to try not to do the whole disparaging remarks thing. Now she's asked me to talk to him for her and, the truth is, I'm fed up with her moping and simply don't want to. Other times, it may be something more complicated, such as unresolved feelings of jealousy or resentment. I second this. YES! There are a few things that you can do to resolve the conflict between your husband and daughter: if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'therelationshipnotes_com-leader-2','ezslot_12',132,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-leader-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'therelationshipnotes_com-leader-2','ezslot_13',132,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-leader-2-0_1');.leader-2-multi-132{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:50px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}Its a question that many people ask themselves, and it does not have a clear answer. Like my sister loves Elvis, because my parents use to always listen to the Elvis hour on Sundays on the local oldies station, I didnt like Elvis then, so choose not to listen to it, I put my walkman on with Metallica, and Red Hot Chilli Peppers in it. I agree, of course people can be smart and informed and still like other stuff too. June 30, 2022 by Team The Relationship Notes. We watched Eureka last year and our daughter loved it and talked about it with her friends. They had all sorts of questions about those eras of American history, and we watched a couple of documentaries, and then I get my kids coming in and going, Hey, there was a thing on The History Channel this weekend about Salem, and I made my dad watch it! And then in American history, they were studying colonial America just after we read it, and so I get the history teachers going, Holy shit, thank you! is that daughter has been driving with her dad for . Thats awesome! What kind of history and science is your husband into? 6napkinburger If dad were interested in making an effort, he could find some common ground there and use that to tie into what he is interested in. That means theres a common ground there, even if its the size of a postage stamp. lets_be_honest July 2, 2013, 3:14 pm. Im not gonna say that those novels were the sole reason she and I both ended up with lucrative and fulfilling careers in the hard sciences, or the sole reason why were both great writers and communicators, or the sole reason we didnt have to pay for college (we both got full scholarships). Sure, he dragged me out on hikes that I hated, and I was a brat and pain during many of them. July 2, 2013, 12:29 pm. But, for example, my mom used to watch I Love Lucy and Alfred Hitchcock Presents late at night, and during the summers, Id stay up late, and I gradually developed a taste for both of them. I enjoyed it so much, I went both mornings. July 2, 2013, 11:46 am. I felt like he was listening, he felt like he was involved.. 6napkinburger That doesnt mean you cant enjoy shared interests together, but just do so as mother and daughter, not BFFs. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Loved Jurassic Park and Baywatch of all things. Generally, Ive found that geeky fandoms have more respect for and interest in learning than, say, those who follow the Kardashians would. We think theyre awesome. It was infuriating. Ive never had anyone go, Oh my gawwwwwwd, PL, whyyyyyyyyyy? Unfortunately for your husband, its not as easy for him to nurture his relationship with his adolescent daughter and rather than helping him and by extension, your daughter create a closer parent-child bond, you seem to be almost delighting in the Us Against Him mentality you share with your daughter (we look forward to him traveling so we wont have to tiptoe around him, etc.). I feel like the mother may be inadvertently teaching the daughter that its OK to make it all about yourself. But the most consistent and deep internal driver is the terror of being controlled. I had the same experience at college! Sorry Wendy (and LW) I think your answer was as wrong as it was long. Its also important to take into account your daughters age and stage of development. I AM going to say, though, that they are a *substantial* part of why all of that happened. My mom and I both liked movies, reading, pop culture, and shopping. It is just another thought though really, because going back and reading it again she includes herself in everything her husband gets mad at. July 15, 2013, 3:10 pm. July 3, 2013, 1:09 am, If the Mom is copying her daughters interests with such a vengeance its even more creepy. If the emotional and sexual connections were rewarding, you may have been intrigued by the Houdini-like escape pattern. He is your best friend, your teammate and your partner. You are actually the only other person not from Scranton that has known what the show was! Both of them are alike in that they are argumentative, particularly with each other, and if they disagree with each other or even have a misunderstanding neither will let it go, such that WE end up with ridiculous escalating fights.. Instead, try to understand why they are pulling away and what you can do to support them during this time. I got a very different vibe from this. They wouldnt do that, would they? If everybody liked the same things, the world would be rather boring. What is this site, a Masters program? Be happy that your daughter has a father who wants to be involved in her life. If his dad had listened when my husband wanted to talk when he was a boy, perhaps my husband would listen to his dad now. Not Ready To See You With Anyone Other Than Their Biological Father. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. When they are able to see the. How to Convince a Senior to Stop Driving. Well, how nice for you that your 12-year-old daughter is interested in all the same things youre interested in! I adore them and love them as people, not just my parents. Addressing issues with the person whos causing the problem is just a good habit to get into, you know? Older and (hopefully) wiser So, here is the thing. LW, what kind of music does your husband like? Its awesome to have your children engaged in the world (government, politics, history, etc). And every once in a while, he needs to do something he doesnt like because SHE wants to do it, and he loves her. July 2, 2013, 2:09 pm, Absolutely agree. You and your husband are partners and your job is to guide your daughter lovingly into adulthood, giving her all the tools you can to be independent, strong, and self-assured. Whatever you do, make sure you stay true to yourself. No. How are those pre-teen interests? Who knows what interests of your husbands she may learn to appreciate if she were more exposed to them. Maybe they have communicated about this many times, but obviously there havent been any results yet! Plus, I gotta say, I dont love ripping into the mom for being Greedy , when it is understandable to want to foster such clearly shared interests with her daughter. All rights reserved. I dont get the sense that the dad is making any effort to get to know his daughter he just wants a reflection of himself and is acting like an immature ass in the process. My dad was also much more stern, and as a shy kid, he made me sort of uncomfortable at times. I dont think the father wanting the daughter to broaden her interests is the problem, its the way he is going about it by demeaning her and her interests and trying to cram in his own interests. If he didnt care, then that would be more worrisome. 6napkinburger Surely, they can find a few places where their interests overlap a little bit. I love all things Hitchcock now, and not because she brainwashed me if she had her way, Id also love The Three Stooges and The Twilight Zone, and Im not nearly as crazy about those. No matter what state the person is in, he or she may face criminal prosecution of drunk driving when behind the wheel with a confirmed blood alcohol content of 0.08 percent or higher as the national limit. One teenager in the house is bad enough But TWO must be exhausting. And thats always stuck with me, and I find myself thinking about it a lot whenever theres something I dont want to do but that I know is the right thing. The LW should do some serious work in building the bond, and working on her marriage, but I would make sure that the dad is putting in just as much effort. Great suggestion! A little . Get out the frying pan. Actually, we dont know this girl but based on this letter, I think that the father is very concerned that she isnt well rounded. Whats ok is to have a balance. My dad would also try to do things we liked. Apparently its socially okay to go to games and paint your face and do whatever sports fans do, but Buffy marathons arent. You can see it in the fighting. At this age I wouldnt try to force her to do activities she doesnt like because it just results in lots of anger and bad attitude and whining. Ill go hiking with you, and I promise to go with an open mind and not complain about it. But he also doesnt need to pretend to like whatever she is in to. Extend invitations on appropriate occasions. My feeling is that its closer to the first scenario, and the LW is making it seem worse than in is. 6napkinburger Tom Pettys Southern Anthem was the first CD I ever owned. He even told me the next day that he was the luckiest guy in the world. And this is his responsibility too. Liquid Luck July 2, 2013, 1:26 pm. bittergaymark First and foremost, of course, is the safety of your children. Your dad was probably not rolling his eyes and making disparaging remarks about your interests. Plus, I like Rick Castle. The wife should be supportive of his efforts, but he needs to act like a grown man and stop being so selfish. I guess all dads watch that Wow, you just brought back memories! About Us . How so? Wendy, I too got the us against him mentality from this LW. Hes a good person, but our relationship as two adults is not a close one and at times feels forced on my end because I still dont know how to be myself around him. My free advice e-newsletter, Heroic Love, shows you how to avoid the common pitfalls that keep people from finding and keeping romantic love. Isolation One of the most common tricks of a mentally abusive partner is to isolate their victims from the rest of the world. My parents didnt take me to the local library because they hated driving, but they would drag my sister and I on hours-long drives on some Sundays, with stops in the woods to walk around for no apparent reason. If youre respectful and kind to each other, theyll be more likely to follow suit. I think most people worry about their daughters if they arent active enough and lay around watching tv or reading too much. And so does dad. lets_be_honest However, he is an adult and should know that assignments will not help them grow close. Make it a game. Yet, while lamenting that they are not closer, he simply refuses to engage with her on these subjects. Every time I try to get ahead of the game, I feel like the rug is pulled out. I helped with yard work. So as a clearly NOT fan girl, its pretty good! So, tell your husband to make an effort with her rather than making her feel like shit about her choices. Hmm, maybe. He is also very critical of both of us, but particularly of her lack of competitiveness (she hates team sports, and takes archery and piano but only for fun), lack of initiative, and being uninformed,, Yep. Thats true, I had that thought that maybe the mom and daughters perspective on assignments was skewed. Good musicals can be complex and beautiful and again, deal with some pretty mature themes. So insightful! The kid keeps it all inside because she doesnt want to disappoint Mom, and the relationship with Dad dies. . But sometimes, this relationship can be strained. His ambition and strong work ethic filled you with admiration. Another possible reason is that hes trying to save his daughter from being hurt, which is an admirable goal. July 3, 2013, 1:14 am, Lily in NYC Oh and shes also going hiking with her dad this weekend because I told her to suck it up and get her ass in gear and tell her dad she wants to go, oh and shes also taking spinning classes with him this fall because her size 0 ass isnt gonna last forever with the way she eats spaghetti since she shares my DNA. I do think the LW should encourage her daughters interest in her father and her fathers hobbies, because I think thats good parenting in general. Ive definitely think Ive learned more from my daughter than shes learned from me. Yeah, apparently mine were fans all along, but there were no records in the house, unlike the other two. For instance my freshman daughter doesn't have a cellphone yet. The first theory is that her husband is jealous of the close relationship she has with their daughter. I wanted to make a point about the use of the word uninformed. July 2, 2013, 12:02 pm. I think my dad was guilty of that sometimes and he really regrets it. It was nothing but glassy-eyed stares and yawning. You can look at him as a mean bully, like you do, or an involved father who is trying to raise a well rounded child. If he hadnt put in the time when I was a kid, I doubt wed have that relationship. Mommy and daddy present a united front. Whats wrong with a daughter that is well-informed by national geographic and knows how to make a fire? Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. He did research and found these beautiful Gotz dolls for my sister and I. It is definitely a good idea for the LW to lead her daughter by example by showing an interest in Dads interests and even suggesting an outing that he would like or that all of them would enjoy.
