I love my job only when Im on vacation. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? 161. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. My mood swings keep life interesting. No one can make me feel my jokes are bad. 277. 92. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? 230. "What doesn't kill you makes your drinks stronger.". 104. 51. 164. - George Burns. no rich foods. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. 46. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. "It's only WednesdayHang in there!". 20. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? All you need is love. 60. - Benjamin Franklin. Chop your own wood. These little phrases can be said aloud or written down anywhere to remind yourself that everything will turn out okay. 139. 45. Some people are like clouds. Take a dose of encouragement from your positive affirmations whenever youre feeling down. 247. You wanna know who Im in love with? I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. Theres no stopping me now. 17. Boost your ego and narcissism in as little as 5 minutes per day and set yourself up for success. 204. Breasts dont have eyes. 182. 113. -Gandhi. 207. Enjoy! Life does a pretty good job of keeping us stressed and worried, we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. 7. Let me gather my thoughts and crush this Monday., 15. Why is England the wettest country? 130. 108. 17. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. 98. I want to afford them., 2. 59. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. I can have peace, even when people irritate me.. 76. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go., 5. Every time I like the taste of the food, I am damn sure that its unhealthy for me. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. 125. Every day, read them aloud for the best results. 121. The rest are too expensive. Its okay if people dont like me. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. Alison Boulter Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits., 8. Why was six scared of seven? I create my life on a quantum level. 28. 8. May life man not be perfect, but Im blessed., 13. And get over it. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. They shape our present and have an impact on our future. Go to bed with satisfaction.". Give your body time to absorb the positivity and let go of negative thoughts. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. Laughter can help you see the humor in otherwise grim situations. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. 190. 151. 45. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. What is Mozart doing right now? East If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. 208. 232. 96. Share them with your friends and colleagues and make them smile too. Life would be tragic if it werent funny too. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. Love your enemies. 264. 90. When they go away, its a brighter day. Robert Bloch Repeat the affirmation as many times as you see fit. Dave Barry I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. 8. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. 187. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. 75. Theres life without Facebook and internet? Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. 7. "Don't let anyone ever dull your . 96. 141. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. - Unknown. Thats what youre called when you dont have a job. 244. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. 6. East. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting!, 15. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. My farts aren't nearly as bad as my dogs'. 159. I am naturally cool, calm, and collected. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. Sam Levenson. Its okay if people dont like me. Snowballs. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. 70. 265. Short Funny Affirmations. Heres some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. I am intelligent. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? 234. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. Swimming trunks. 2. Edward A. Murphy Alright, get in the basket.. Say "Thank you" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of GratitudeIntro Speech by Denzel Washington (Commencement Speech)Main speech by Fearless Soul "Tha. "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.". Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. 31. 68. 80 Soren Kierkegaard Quotes On Love, Life And Philosophy, Top 90 Martin Luther King Jr. 24. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. 3. With a cowculator. Then, think about how easy it would be to say a simple statement to yourself throughout the day. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. This is the beauty of funny affirmations. Mind blown! Hi! If you see affirmations that say " I will, " " I used to, " or " I'm going to, " then this is NOT an affirmation. 191. I have a lot to offer. If youre just starting your affirmation journey, you might feel skeptical at first. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. 41. Before using these amusing affirmations, you should believe in your sense of humor. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. 198. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. 194. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. Take some time each day to go through these funny affirmations for self-esteem and see how your mood shifts in response. Enjoy! I might go home today, but I will go bigger tomorrow. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. Walter Bagehot I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. My mistakes dont define me. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. 249. Because he was always spotted. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. 237. 33. Funny positive affirmations do work. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. 131. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat., 10. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. 33. But even if this does happen, who cares? Funny Friday Quotes. Bill Murray Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. Subscribe To Our Newsletter! As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. Why cant you trust an atom? 203. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. Also read: 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams. Not sure who to credit this meme to, but kudos. 91. I have seen better days, but Ive also seen worse. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. I dont suffer from insanity. I am lazy till I get a motive. Chris Rock, 256. Sincerely, the floor. 56. ". They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. 160. 129. Ted Turner. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. Bill Murray, 260. There's value in patting yourself (and your friends) on the back.Positive affirmations are statements that can help brighten your outlook on the world when you say them to yourself regularly or write them down in a journal.While affirmations are no substitute for professional help such as therapy when you're experiencing anxiety or depression, those who swear by the power of uplifting . If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. Why is England the wettest country? If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. 218. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. 107. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? 233. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. 196. I understand success cant happen overnight. First, read the most powerful affirmations below to build a strong mind. Fortunately, theres a way to reap the benefits of these powerful statements by giving them a humorous twist. 206. Stuart Turner We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. I enjoy every minute of it. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for!, 13. A backbone. I feel great. 2. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. Being funny increase people's tendency to connect with you and talk to you. 155. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. It just plain forms. Friends buy you food. I am thankful for all the problems I dont have. My mistakes dont define me. Bill Murray Even on my worst days, turning on some stand up immediately puts me in a better mood. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. Charles M. Schulz. To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. Envelope. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. 185. As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything., 10. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. I am attractive just as I am. What do you call a bear with no teeth? Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. 4. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. 139. 1. I am so f*cking awesome. 235. ~ Bill Gates. 135. I'm sorry, I have to quickly disable alarm level brown. If Im not there, I go to work. Robert Orben, 4. Without further ado, lets look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. 2. 101. So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. Funny affirmations youll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh. I would have appreciated exams if they had allowed our Pokemons and Ninjas. 122. I wonder why spiderman narrated it the other way round. I live in a loving, nurturing, safe, and beautiful world. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. 6. Nobody gets out alive anyway. 89. Im thinking like a proton, always positive. 7. Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre overwhelmed, stressed, or just dealing with negative self-talk. 183. When I can laugh at myself, life becomes so much easier. 1. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. Im laughing at the confusion and smiling through the tears. Alright, get in the basket. I focus on breathing and grounding myself. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. Groucho Marx. "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.". 86. I feed my spirit. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. 101. A wishbone. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. Leave me a if you agree! If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. You were too lazy to read that number. We have a connection. 242. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. Enjoy! Stop trying to make everyone happy. 63. 216. 169. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. 175. Dear Monday, my mama doesn't like you and she likes everyone. What doesnt kill you makes your drinks stronger., 10. Let me know in the comments section down below! Those who snore always fall asleep first. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. 196. I am calm, patient and at peace. I dont think thats a coincidence. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. 229. Your values become your destiny. 117. Ill start this journey with my 10 favorite funny affirmations that never fail to make me laugh. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. 116. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. 21. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. I can't make everyone happy, I'm not tequila. Frances McDormand 153. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. "I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. 279. Good morning! I personally love watching masters of comedy, Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre. Quotes that make no sense Photo: pexels.com (modified by author) Source: UGC. 221. Envelope. 2. Gary Delaney It equates "weight loss" with thoughts like: I can. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. 47. If only common sense were more common. 160. The thing is, Im still getting ready. Words have the power to make or break us. Not everyone has good taste., 3. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. Alison Boulter. 193. 193. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. Sincerely, yourself. It just plain forms. 1. 1. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 189. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. I am joyful for achieving the ones I did. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. Decomposing. 134. 84. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. I tried, but they wanted cash. Theres life without Facebook and internet? I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full. I am awesome. Once youve chosen one of our affirmations or devised your own, its time to put it into practice. "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. I draw from my inner strength and light. I make a difference by showing up fully. 100. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. I am the sunshine even when its gloomy outside. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. Because they make up everything. I see food, and I eat it. "My funny vibes attract my happy tribe.". Nothing, they just waved. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. - Donald Trump. I dont think thats a coincidence., 3. It changes your perception and these short positive affirmations have a way of changing the way you look at yourself and feel more confident. 205. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. I never apologize. With time, I have started to value more time. 170. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. You might undoubtedly relate with them, and yet you will not feel laid back because of your weaknesses. By waking up and repeating this mantra, you will set the tone for the day. "If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.". 38. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. 19. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. Erma Bombeck. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. I stick to things until I get to my destination. Im describing you. I tell you what always catches my eye. Theres no stopping me now. Really? Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. 1. 3. 258. I am confused between what I like the most hanging out or posting that I hung out. I honor that time. 209. Send me the link. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. 93. 1. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. If you are looking for a way to get more laughs in your day, try some of these funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. 200. 145. - Catherine Pulsifer. 152. No matter what a mess I am, my kids adore me. My liver still works. There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life. If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. 206. 128. Today is a great day. 142. Not me, but somebody does. 85. Bill Murray Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? With a cowculator. Good morning! I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. Confidence makes me powerful. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. 194. Well, life isn't just about glitz and glamour nor rainbows and butterflies. Effective pushing often involves poop. 8. 64. 118. 148. Stay focused and consistent, and youll start noticing the healing powers of humor and fun. I can engage in small acts of kindness to uplift other people. We all need a little energy boost here and there. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 232. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. 231. I am happy and joyful. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. What do I do for a living? A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. I am strong and getting stronger every day. 236. Its okay, he woke up. 208. 79. 14. Live life to the fullest. Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. Everyone brings happiness to this office. God's promises are here to give you perfect peace, good news, renew your strength and reveal the will of God in your life. Get help beating negative thinking by reciting positive affirmation every day. I intend to live forever. Infographic: What is the Ultimate Commitment. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. 9. 26. 26. Positive music, resilience, inner strength and a growth mindset lead to success!. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor.. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? It is already tomorrow in Australia.". We need to hear a pin drop. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. 189. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. 279. 123. Below youll find a collection of funny affirmations for work that will help you stay motivated and fight the work stress more efficiently. [click_to_tweet tweet="Things are getting better all the time" quote="Things are getting better all the time" theme="style4]
