Your obligation toward your ex has ended, and it is alright to think of yourself first. Instant replies hint at either interest or an unfulfilling life and even if both might be true, dont let your ex pick up on that. Perhaps you thought youd completely moved on, but their message reminds you of all the good times that you didnt even know you had buried away. Its almost like youve been waiting for me. The humiliation I felt after that made sure I never texted her back again, Aaron, a construction manager, shares with us. Hanging Out With An Ex While In A Relationship. They dont want to hear how youre doing through the grapevine. You are about to put a lot at stake here. They were also more likely . If your relationship was healthy, you might not feel the need to speak to the person, or you may still have them in your life. In that case, having a quick chat on Instagram wont be such a bad idea. His or her inquiries, requests, or demands, as well as the approach and attitude your ex chooses will soon reveal why your ex contacted you after so many years. It is entirely up to you to respond or not. Pro tip: Keep your mind open and your heart closed. When an ex contacts you, you need to weigh the pros and cons practically. Also, if you had fixable problems in your relationship that they didnt solve when you were together, they might have changed that about themselves and pop up in an attempt to show off or get you back. But how are you supposed to know that for sure? It was interesting seeing him again. Secondly, it also gives us evidence that others have successfully faced similar challenges. If your ex contacted you during no contact years after the breakup, you have an important decision to make. I didnt feel empowered by her reaching out, just felt sad more than anything else. I just mean that we still had feelings for a long time.) I should mention that we both agreed it was for the best. There are some things only you know about your partner. Maybe your ex has actually stopped being an emotionally abusive person. After several failed relationships, your ex has realized they want you back. TBO we didnt really even say good-bye was no real closure. Its up to you, but she is married, after all. Is there space for them if youre planning on letting your ex back into your life? I think if you don't feel completely comfortable responding or you're questioning their motives, then don't respond. Due to pride, they dont get back together immediately, get on with their lives, and date other people. Here Are 16 Coping Tips, The 4 Bases In Relationships That We Unanimously Agree On. We're all human. When your ex finally does that, youll quickly regain your power and be able to say how you want things to go. It was like a weight lifted. I actually miscarried shortly after confirming the pregnancy. Dumpers just dont care if youve changed or not because when they reach out, they have no expectations of you and still see you the way they saw you prior to the breakup. Thank you for your article very insightful. First off, it's good to pause before responding. I do not want to interrupt her life now and do not want to reopen any wounds. So first things first, discern what your ex wants from you and secondly, what you can gain from your ex. She didnt have the basic courtesy to offer me an explanation, says Elena, To this day, I wonder what went wrong in our perfectly happy relationship that she had to back off like that! Basically, he sent me a very long email (that's his way of communication.) Been talking to my ex for about a month and for 1st time in 10+ years I feel happy. You can do one of two things, listen to what your ex has to say, or ignore them. In other cases, receiving a text from an ex can immediately bring up feelings of annoyance, dread or even fear particularly if the relationship was a toxic and unhappy one that you want distance from. Only exes who dont talk for 5 years or more sometimes start to change their opinion of their ex. You slipped back into a temporary depression, but this wont last long. Just a comment on the "closure" part of Your post: no you don't. As most of the comments say it depends on how the relationship was. What do you intend to do now that your ex contacted you? Additionally, if youre getting back with your ex because youre lonely, that may not be a good idea either. My ex was the dumper and sent an e-mail after 4+ years of no contact. His reply is 'the plain human courage shown by the people of Vietnam', instead of the . Three times in ten years sounds just like he wants some (very minimal) contact with someone who he spent five years of his life with. That something may not necessarily be what you may have been hoping for, but its something only you have. They could have seen something on social media and became unable to stop thinking about you. I doubt that that's why he would reach out, he's the one who got apologies from me shortly after the breakup (which he did get shortly after, but probably not in the most though through way) thanks for sharing. In todays article, well discuss why an ex would contact you years after the breakup and how to respond to specific reach outs. Just ask, Why did you reach out to me after all this time? Your ex will likely be at a loss of words at first, but soon either give you the truth or half-truth. Getting back together with an ex years later is possible. They just want you to know theyre sorry. I've talked to him a few times and it just seemed like he needed to remember happy times for a bit. After years of single life and suffering from loneliness, they decide to get back together with their ex. An ex suddenly reaching out after they broke up with you can be very confusing. Youve both moved on, got a new partner, and were happy, so whats the motive? Many a time, people end a relationship in haste without thinking it through. When they meet up with their ex years later, they come to the same conclusion and decide to get back together. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window), My Ex Is With Someone Else But Still Contacts Me, decide if you want to be friends with your ex, They return because their life doesnt go according to plan, what to do when your ex contacts you years later, when an ex boyfriend contacts you years later, when an ex girlfriend contacts you years later, When A Guy Cries At The Thought Of Losing You. But at the same time, youre curious as to why they are reaching out. She apologized for everything and expressed a desire to be friends again. I think that she would really appreciate hearing that and she deserves it. Theyre not quite sure what, but that phone call,text message, or email is met with suspicion, and rightly so. If thats the case, theres no harm in having a casual conversation. Perhaps it was a two-week fling, a mutual breakup, or an old partner who ghosted you once and has resurfaced for closure. I read it and deleted it without responding. Personally I've never reached out to an ex - but my abusive ex of 5 years reached out to me. Its not that people want their ex to suffer, per se, its that they may feel a sick ego boost when comparing their progress after your breakup to their own. He thought were friends and the fact that he cheated on me was very conveniently swept under the rug. Your ex is an ex for a reason, and giving them attention when your present life is fulfilling isnt really worth it. Does your ex normally ghost you for many months and then re-establish contact like its the good old days? When an ex contacts you years later, just seeing their name pop up on your phones screen is going to set off fireworks in your brain. It may not be worth getting dumped and hurt again. No one says you need to entertain them. I dont care why youre reaching out now. Were your one-stop destination for unraveling the mystery that is love. But if youre reconnecting with an ex after 10 years or so, they might be texting you out of a sense of nostalgia and friendliness. The moment you hear from your ex, you probably wont know what your ex wants from you. In addition, we might reach out to friends who have been there before, and dealt with a life-altering event. If one of my exes reached out to me years after the break-up Id know that their personal lives have become a great disappointment and now theyre reevaluating what they foolishly threw away years before. I think I'm willing to give it a second try.". We cover topics you'd find helpful like how to recover after an ex reaches out, how to set boundaries after a breakup, and why ex contact can be so . Similar to blaming, Paul says anger is a sign that they have not moved on, which tracks with the grief stage of a breakup. 8 Things To Do When Your Ex Contacts You Years Later, 4. Stay out of contact with him, Al. I look forward to it, Al. A year and a half is a long time to not speak to an ex. Despite their problems in their relationship, they were soul mates, and theyd never been able to find such a deep connection with anyone else since the break-up. This is particularly common with exes who feel stifled in the relationship, and as though they were missing out on something else by being with you. How many do, I don't know. 10 Signs Your Ex Is Testing You | How To Respond? Yesterday, he said, My ex and I are talking again. Of course, as a dumpee, you might not have to stay your exs backup plan forever. If your ex doesnt want to be your friend, for example, you obviously wont be able to be friends with your ex. The Teaser Trailer For Daisy Jones & The Six Just DroppedHeres Everything We Know SoFar, The Best Dating Sites and Apps: Complete List of the Top Online DatingPlatforms, Best Hookup Sites: Top 30 Free Hookup Apps and Websites for Getting LaidTonight. If your ex is single and all their friends are dating, they may go through periods of loneliness where they desperately need to speak to someone. The good thing about it is that you get to decide whether you want her in your life or not. Its imperative that you learn why your ex reached out after so many years so that you know what to do with your ex. But he and his wife are in local choirs so I reached out because Im interested in that myself. Why would an ex contact you years after the relationship ended? While you tactfully avoid tapping on the notification, it can throw your whole mojo off-balance. Dont reconnect expecting the relationship to start back up at the depth it existed years ago. Throw out an invitation to hang out in a super low-key environment. Here are six common reasons for exes getting back together years later. It will only convey the message that you are still miserably hung up on them. Even if I couch them in "we didn't know any better, but you did X"? An immediate response is never a good idea. You dont owe anyone an explanation for not responding. And some friendships just arent built to handle the transitions and changes that we go through in life as we grow and develop. TL;DR: Yes, because our break-up needed closure. Related Reading: 9 Reasons Ignoring Your Ex Is Powerful, Derek, this guy who lives in my building, often shares his life stories with me as we cross paths in the hall. No matter what the scenario is, it will take some time to settle your thoughts if you have to handle an ex coming back years later. Now that theyre dealing with issues concerning the things only you know about, theyve got no one else to turn to. If youre focused and working on your goals, will your ex become a distraction? My ex contacted me after 2 years and I couldnt help but immediately respond to ask her what she wanted. For a person who has been dumped in a relationship, no contact offers that much-required time and space for healing. It can be confusing when your ex reaches out after years because you dont know what their motives are. #1 Listen To What They've Got To Say Unless your ex-partner was an abuser, listen to what they've got to say before deciding how to handle the situation. The only way to stop overthinking in this situation is by either ignoring the message or giving a very indifferent response, which basically screams out that your ex doesnt matter to you anymore. Its easy to indulge an ex when you still have lingering feelings toward them. Your mental peace certainly comes before they rant to you about their workload and unmet marital fulfillment. And if theres a new partner in the picture, the green-eyed monster might rear its ugly head. You havent heard from your ex in years, and theyre contacting you out of nowhere. In your mind, it's been a while since you broke up, and in the meantime, it feels like a lot of water has passed under the bridge. Sometimes, the ex comes back with a text to just check in on you. Seeing your ex after a long time might effectively spell doom for your present relationship if you just assume your partner will be fine with this. I realised after a few weeks that I was the only one initiating again. Closure, like forgiveness, is something you do for yourself. Such dumpers often get nostalgic, hurt, and depressed so they contact an ex they used to be close to and come running back faster than greased lightning. Your ex might be a changed person more decency, less infidelity. 1. 10 Reasons Why Girls Want To Stay Friends After a Breakup, 8 Subtle Ways Guys Hint They Like You Without Saying It, 22 Painful Signs Hes Not Into You (Anymore), What To Do When An Ex Reaches Out After Years, Is It Common For Exes To Get Back Together Years Later. He tried to hint that he was looking for an affair and then I blocked him. No matter how you both ended things, try not to respond to the text immediately, even if its a lazy Saturday afternoon and your only entertainment is your cat licking her own fur.
