[quote name='Ash Wednesday' date='Mar 3 2005, 01:28 PM'] The local parish had a fairly new priest. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? An elderly man walks into a confessional. The bishop says, "Sir, I can't allow you in here." St. Peter turns to the priest and says "This will be yours for eternity. Suddenly, an apparition of the Holy Family appeared in front of them, with Jesus in a manger and Mary and Joseph praying over him. Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are. Privacy Policy. "But I made him agree to pay me 50 Marks for every week he stayed." asks the priest. You think someone who says "amen" while the Pastor is . The first one tells her friends my son is a priest. My email is brenda195077@gmail.com. "Just water," says the priest, fingers crossed. !, The policeman calmly whispered: Ill put it to you this way chief. Father turns to the other brother and says, "Then you must be." What do you call a Catholic toaster strudel? Yes, but is it the Catholic god you don't believe in or the Protestant one? Please, please, please add your own good, CLEAN, Catholic jokes in the comments section. She said, "I had sex with a guy." The priest said ok, blessed her and said go drink some holy water. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. A few weeks after her second husband died, Sandra also passed away. Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?" Man: Forgive me father, for I have sinned. The Jesuit walked up to Joseph, put his arm around his shoulder, and said, So, have you thought about where to send him to school?, A priest, a minister and a rabbi are discussing when life begins. The priest responded, "Well, one day, I hope to become a bishop." The first asked but was told no. "Then why are you telling me this?" A week later the two friends meet again in front of the same church, and one of them confides to the other: "I still wonder if that offer is serious." God: "I don't have a representative on earth, not that I know of . The nun asked if he had money in the bank. The priest said, "Well, I admit that certainly wasn't the most noble thing to do, charging the man to save his life -- but you did save his life, after all, and that is a good thing. I didnt mean to come on so strong. A zit will wait till your twelve years old to come on your face. The 300+ Best Priest Jokes - Worst Jokes Ever The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! A boat comes along and asks to help him. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 25. Muldoon said, "I understand, Father, I do. 44. 10. All rights reserved. Need a laugh? They were also both founded to combat heresy -- the Dominicans to fight the Albigensians, and the Jesuits to fight the Protestants." Mary says, "I want to be a prostitute!" A priest, a minister and a rabbi are discussing when life begins. A man suffered a serious heart attack and had an open heart bypass surgery. One more and I'll have a championship basketball team." Cop: Wayyyyyy more important than that. "I throw my money into the air and what god wants, he takes!". Score: 4. The second Catholic woman chirps, while my son is a bishop, when he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace.' My sons, And - Father John - it was a really good idea to have the confessional open 24 hours a day - for those who work "shift" work. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? One woman said that as an adult convert she had a terrible time working herself up to go to confession for the first time. Theres no such name in my book., The Pope: Im the representative of God on Earth., St. Peter: Does God have a representative? A priest is drowning in a river. have two gorgeous brothers.". 25 Hilarious Lent Jokes Even Non-Catholics Can Enjoy - Pleated Jeans I just can't understand what the world is coming to these days. Author: breakinginthehabit.org Date Published: 09/08/2021 Ratings: 1.16 Highest Ratings: 5 Lowest Ratings: 1 Excerpt: 7 thg 6, 2020 With so much going on in the world, it's important to take the time every once in a while and have a good laugh. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, "You know, I hardly ever get to drive. I dont know who is this guy, but he has the pope as his chauffeur.. "Might as well." A little boy was listening to a long and excessively boring sermon in church. The priest, exasperated, cried "What else could I become? oh these were good! Roman Catholic funny cartoons from CartoonStock directory . In Glasgow, there's a wee place. 29 Confession Jokes. 7 Clean Hilarious Church Jokes To Use In Sermons - ChurchTechToday A Jesuit, a Dominican, and a Trappist were marooned on a desert island. 14. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father." The second Catholic women chirps, "Well, my son is a Bishop. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St Peter to a mansion. Father Patrick replied, "I am so very sorry to hear about your dog's death. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Joining Saint Anne's changed my life. As a non-catholic, all I know about Lent is it's another chance to start up that New Year's resolution you already quit on. Then the Trappist said, "Gee, I already got my wish!" Todays Video: 10 Hilarious Catholic Jokes, Live Mass Friday, March 3, 7:00 a.m., from the Cathedral Basilica of St. Peter in Chains, Merrick Garland grilled on anti-Catholic, pro-abortion bias during Senate hearing, McDonalds Filet-o-Fish history tied to Cincinnati Catholics, Meet the 6 American Black Catholics who are on the road to sainthood, Stations of the Cross by the Archdiocese of Cincinnati. "But Your Holiness, I - I - " the priest stammered. The rabbi again asked, "And then?" ", Condoms: they're what separate the men from the boys, Shortly after having her ninth baby, an Irish Catholic woman runs into her parish priest. Priest: Too late! One more and I'll have a golf course.". St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The first one tells her friends, My son is a priest. 10 Hilarious Catholic Jokes. He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912." Laughter unites us. Man: "I'm Jewish." He said they were hanging around outside of church and aggressively begging for food. The abbot asks . Priest: But you're not Catholic. I didn't get it, i was raised catholic. "Yeah sure," the bishop responds. And Susie clarifies: "A prostitute. The priests says, It begins at conception. You might be Southern Baptist if. Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children. Continue with Recommended Cookies, if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-box-3','ezslot_4',170,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-box-3-0');Nun of these Catholic jokes and puns are duds that will make you cross! Facebook Twitter Pinterest WhatsApp. 12. Suddenly, the old man opens his eyes and croaks: "I must be dreaming of heaven! Also I have 30 first cousins. And he looks the Lord right in the eye and says, 'Blimey, Mate. ", Two Jewish friends pass a Catholic Church on which a large poster addresses non-Catholics: "Come to us, accept Catholicism, and you instantly get $30,000 in cash!" After many long years of faithful companionship, the dog finally died, so Muldoon went to the parish priest: While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didnt work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? Man: "I'm jewish!" Christmas.'. Here are 10 Catholics jokes that are sure to give you a chuckle! "Father," said the Pope, "I want that there should be peace between the British and the Irish. We promised each other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank as a way of keeping up the family bond." "Ahh, but which one don't you believe in? Thanks for this. Thanks to their partnership in our mission, we reachmore than 20 million unique users per month! The abbot remarks, Is that it? The abbot asks, Well my son what have you to say. The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! "Yes" is the reply, so the father takes him to the nuns and leaves. ', The fourth Catholic women sips her coffee in silence. 107 Cute And Funny Jokes About Love - MomJunction "Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "please give us some wisdom before you die." Shocked, the nun says, "What did you just say?" The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. And - Father John - it was a really good idea to have the confessional open 24 hours a day - for those who work "shift" work. The first three women give her a subtle, Well?, She replies, My son is a charismatic, 62, hard-bodied male stripper. Jesus: Remember that fishing club Ive started 2000 years ago? Can You Match These Saints to Their Weird Patronages? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What if it doesn't work? Mar 29, 2018 - "God has given me cause to laugh, and all who hear of it will laugh with me." Genesis 21:6. Ratzinger responds He in Salt Lake City. Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. I thought you said you wanted to be a protestant.". I was second to nun.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-leader-1','ezslot_14',663,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-1-0'); A Catholic priest, a Baptist preacher, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. She replies "Because I swallowed the first. Chief: Important like the mayor? God is watching the apples. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. I smell your grandmother's strudel!" "No, grandfather, you are not dreaming. I said, "Die, heretic!" I swear it." At least acne waits till a kid is 14 to come on his face. The priest answers, Its called masturbation and soon you will be doing it." There's something about laughter that can restore the soul and provide some much-needed relief from stress and pain. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father., The second Catholic women chirps, Well, my son is a Bishop. The priest says, "Thank you so much. A man walks into a monastery and says I want to be monk. Mother drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. Me: I do. "What idiot named you Clarence?" An Eastern Orthodox priest was talking was discussing liturgical differences with a Catholic priest. "Like what?" Need a laugh? 52 Catholic Puns and Dad Jokes That Will Make You Either . Up rushes good Irish cop. "Well, are you religious or atheist?" ", "Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking "Child's play", he said. The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted their computers. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. All Rights Reserved. The great (and tragic) comedy of going to confession "Met any Albigensians lately?" Then one of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. said Pat. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard. God, O.P. "Me too! "Me too! One man in the crowd then yelled, Yes, but is it the Catholic God you dont believe in or the Protestant one?. Me: I do. 25 Jokes You Can Only Laugh At If You Went To Catholic School 17 reviews of St. Anne Catholic Community "So I practically live at St. Anne's, between teaching Catechism, being Spiritual Chair for the Young Adults group, and several other ministries. Are people actually allowed or even encouraged to communicate with you? The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose. Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?" He said they took all of their squirrels, baptized them, confirmed them, and now they only come around on Christmas and Easter. I ran over and said, "Stop! "I draw a small circle in the ground, throw my money into the air, and what falls outside of the circle I give to Buddha". On his first report card, his parents are shocked to see their son getting straight As. An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more. The very next Sunday just happened to be Easter, and the priest was back at his pulpit in Ireland, giving his annual Easter sermon. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Looking for a good laugh? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Nun breathes a sigh of relief and goes, "Oh Thank God, I thought you said Protestant!". Then this sweet thing moved in next door and since then --wow!" Best catholic jokes ever - Unijokes.com - 28 Catholic jokes Man: *shrugs* I'm telling everybody. "um" the priest stumbled "in my youth, once or twice" ", Three old Catholic men and one old Catholic woman were sitting a a table one morning. Three Questions Catholics Should Ask Before Telling A Joke Within a few months, he is passing with flying colours. Please stop bickering about such trivial matters, The nun posted a sign on the hot dog tray, "Take only one. "You come to the front door of the apartments. 'Come with me,' said St. Peter to the taxi driver.
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