Men are not mind readers. 5 Marriage Problems That Most Couples Face And Their Solutions, My Wife Is Not Interested In Sex And Sometimes It Feels Like I Am Having It With A Dead Body. I love her. Research shows that sexual communication was. You can stay in the loop about her latest programs, gatherings, and other projects through her newsletter: kellygonsalves.com/newsletter. I do not believe love will demand it as a duty but love also doesnt hand over the relationship to the destructive forces and temptations, The older I get the more confident I am Theres nothing wrong with giving yourself sexual pleasure. I am a 64 year old woman who has lost all interest in sex. My guess is shes been trying to rid herself of me for many years but wants me to be the one to leave so she can save face with friends and family. I agree 100%. To some it may even taste nasty. The aftermath of an affair is never easy for a marriage, but if life has thrown you this curveball, youve got to learn to deal with it. We lost our virginity to each other well before our marriage so often, in fact, that on our wedding night we decided we were too tired from the events of the week and just went to bed to sleep. Then she wakes and l turn my head to see her reach across pick up the phone and begin scrawling through and tapping away. Some could be related to body image issues, prior sexual sin, or abuse. Whats more, you are not doomed to be in a sexless marriage! And pressure is a total libido killer that can set off a cycle of sexual avoidance, according to AASECT-certified sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman, M.A. Only your wife herself can tell you the exact reason why she's not interested in having sex with you. Leave her, even if youre alone. I Got tired of rejection and told her when she wanted to come find me she felt sorry for me and we tried sex toys and one was to big, hurt her but she tried but I could tell. My wife never touches me anymore after weve had our child, Greg told us. Perhaps there's a desire discrepancy between you, whether in general or just at this particular time in your lives, and you're both very aware of it. Be explicit about your needs and expectations. The first step is to communicate with your partner about what you think you might be lacking. Weve been married 27 years, sex Nor, should they be. Especially if you once had a, One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. I was looking forward to my sexual freedom and massive quantities of sex and orgasms. I hear you sister, I am only 52, husband is same age. Maybe when she met you she saw a very rich lifestyle that has not panned out. She started the menopause change about 3 years ago, however sex prior to that was maybe every few months for probably 7 years. So.. She received her journalism degree from Northwestern University, and her writings on sex, relationships, identity, and wellness have appeared at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere. Research shows that women who had a positive view of themselves reported higher levels of intimate encounters and arousal. It will only create more distance between you. }; That may not be possible. She sleeps in the other room. The best thing to do when y our partner doesn't want to be intimate is to ask them about it, point blank. Gynecological conditions such as endometriosis, PCOS, PCOD, uterine fibroids and pelvic pain can make it difficult for women to enjoy sex. **The husband has NO right to sex, or anything else. BUT I agree If I was an electronic game, or a bead of some kind I would get some attention.. We have had a very good sex life up until a few years ago, and she has had many good sexual adventures. No way not ever. Then we got married and had kids (not that I regret) but 20 years of pulling teeth juts to get touched or even desired really hurts. I have always loved sex with my hubby, but after menopause, that all changed for the worse. You are not catering to her sexual needs, How To Survive A Sexless Marriage Without Cheating, build a successful relationship after cheating, communication exercises with your partner, 10 Things To Do When You Are Drifting Apart In Your Relationship. I dont know why your husband would even want to be intimate with you, you sound like a harpy. We were easy pickings since that biological clock was ticking louder and she still hadnt landed Chad. We must have sex or blow up, not a choice. You should be glad that your wife is still with you your ass would have been out the door the first time you ever tried to tell me what to do oh and by the way Ive been married 20 years and my husband has NEVER told me what to do we both have great paying jobs and are very independent I have a Daddy and he stopped telling me what to do when I was 17. I really just want to be wanted the way I want her, sexually or not, to just be valued as a committed, loving husband. No, I should say male divined WRONG! 30 years I kept saying to myself.itll get better Now I have ED. Should I ask her what our sex future will be? Perhaps your husband, as well as a few troglodytes posting here, are in need of some attitude adjustments, but you shouldnt paint all men with the same brush. Sometimes a married woman isn't interested in having sex with her spouse because she's simply not in the mood right now. Its time to change your strategy. I would do just about anything to have a willing partner like you! Now its Im sore there. Signs My Husband Isn't Attracted To Me - He Rejects Your Hugs, Kisses, And Touch. In my experience as a marriage counselor, Ive seen that men can have an argument with their wives the whole day and romance their partner in the end. Women wont mention it because the rejection we feel each time he puts us off, says no or does not respond to our sexual advances chips away at our self confidence and our souls as being sexually vibrant women even in our late sixties. We dont have children, and we have tried everything.therapy, books, scheduling sex, talking, crying, toys, porn. For everything there is a season. The guy is obviously attracted to you and enjoys your company or why the 30 year dating? Now that I am 62 years old I can say his description of what happens is spot on. If not he should go on in it. Ask if there is something you can do to make sex more enjoyable for her. I wish I could be fulfilled without sex, like many women as they age. Women arent suitable for long term monogamy. Because I have no suggestions as to how to change things. And Im okay with that. My wife weight has ballooned once the kids were born (25 years ago) And she has never wanted to lose it but just accept it. I was already starting to think that I was a man born in a womans body!!! You have (understandable) guilt and shame about sex, undoubtedly influenced by your current predicament and the old trauma of feeling rejected during your first long-term partnership. (function() { // REQUIRED CONFIGURATION VARIABLE: EDIT THE SHORTNAME BELOW Now its too late. Share your feelings with your wife openly, honestly, and vulnerably without expecting it to lead to something physical. You can gently bring up that you want to keep prioritizing your sex life together so your wife understands how you feel and so you can mutually find ways to work on this part of your lives while still being sensitive to her struggles. This so frustrating at times. She has the house and I have my private place seperate from the main house. Ive tried to convey this, but without success. She has owned her own retail furniture store for 10 years and has expressed her desire to sell and get a job until retirement. lol. If you are tired of initiating intimacy and your wife doesnt want sex anymore, it may be time to consider marriage counseling. I am very hormonal being athletic and take DHEA supplements which enhance desire. I love her to death, but Im sick of the constant rejection. Sex should be mutually inclusive. But after years without, I cant help but fantasize about past experiences, which makes me feel SO guilty. I am guilty of that. In case you have nothing to hide, work on communication exercises with your partner to be able to tell her that there is no need for trust issues. Lets face it, as women age, many lose sex drive, along with experiencing a good number of other sexual problems. Nothing is out of bounds! She told me, a man should never get jealous of his wife f ing other men. Even worse, because Im larger than average, she can no longer handle my penis even if she wanted to. Counseling is usually the way out but unfortunately most people in a relationship dont want to go that route (or at least one of them doesnt). I lve my wife more now then when we got married. Ive been thinking about wanting a second child seven years after I gave birth to our first one. But did you notice that men have to make the first move? Lets discuss some of the most frequently asked questions related to what to do if your wife never initiates intimacy. But it will quickly fade again once their needs are met. I have the sex drive I had when I was 20, and I feel like me again. . I dont want to sleep in separate rooms or even separate beds. Not the husband its always the mom. He has performance anxiety. How is she even going to want to have a relationship?. I am fine with him pleasuring himself and even using porn is fine. In fact, according to WebMD, there are multiple causes that will negatively affect the sexual desire in a woman. Dianne. Oh, and me driving the car, she has panic attacks and asks I dont drive. I feel I am too old to move on by myself, most everything in our relationship is good, but sex is very bad. I havent had a BJ for about 20years, my wife wont even touch my penis so a HJ is out of the question too. Im affectionate and do everything, but Im tired So I turn to porn and search things that include wife. And thats where I get my relief. Women want to be swept off their feet. Well, I am more than happy to say that our marriage has lasted for over 56 years and I know that we are still together mostly due to the fact that we are best friends. My nephews, 1x/month on average, so I dont over do with outside the marriage things at all nor overspend, AT ALL. We are just roommates. So all women who married men and saw this first hand, from 14 to 80. I am 53 and my wife is 55. You can set things right on this front by planning special dates and mini-vacations so that you can both focus on each other and your relationship without worrying about work, finances, kids and other things. Not fun! This isn't a tit-for-tat sort of thing, though. As for porn, I dont mind it at all when he watches it (though he thinks I never see him), after all, we are all human and have drives and needs. And Ive been caught too. I am now dating a man in his 60s, I also am in my 60s and he cant get erection so he shut down any sexual contact and I am dieing for a sexual relationship. But it also means were in a status quo that just isnt satisfying. It is very common for middle aged women to wind up being hypothyroid. I went through marital counseling before the wedding. there is NO physical connection PLUS no sex. I havent found a way to replace that feeling of a man. For men the cost is being far more productive than hed need to be if caring only for himself and to forsake all other partners in pairing with his wife exclusively. When theres a disconnect and communication gaps that lead to resentment, the hostility will make itself apparent in some way or the other, says Gopa. Your wife has become conscious of her body, 8. I chose the platter for one. We have been convinced to settle and accept less. He decided hed have an affair. Im just sad and trying to figure things out. We are both quite healthy but she has little interesting sex now. If you guys love your wives and wanna stay till death and your having problems with containment, I lost all desire because I have no testosterone so its been a God send to me. I want to be involved in sex to enjoy the feeling of being loved by a woman.. in bed nothing happen just sleep. Right now Im going on over three months since shes wanted sex. Youre the only one here who gets the dynamic. Figures, right? So my question to the men here. Your wife may not know how to put up her mom hat for the day and refocus on herself, which includes enjoying every aspect of her marriage. Stay with it, work on it with her. As I recall when we first started dating we were watching porn together. Tried Testosterone replacement but it made me very sick and ended up in the emergency room with complications . How about finding self-worth in volunteering at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen? You were something OTHER. The wife does not want to start sex and me asking her OVER and OVER and OVER got to her and her rejections and excuses got to me felt like there is always some excuse. I realized after marriage that I married her for the wrong reason, more of a rebound to fill something torn from me so abruptly, the love for my previous family(wife and children). I love her but I need/miss sexual relations, which she's not into. Weve been married for 27 years and have 3 adult children. I told her that men my age generally took longer to orgasm and for sex to be mutually enjoyable, we both needed to have pleasure. So I explained this to her and said if she cannot work it out with me I would have to find some other way. Hope your marriage will last till you die you depart. Unfortunately, Buck Necked is correct. Getting out of the friend zone with your wife will require you to find another zone for yourself. Drying up was a major problem. On fantasy world would be 24/7! Tell her how much I love her. It breaks my heart because we are so happy together in every other way, but I need the physical intimacy and to be desired and sex is something I enjoy and I feel like he is withholding it. Susan, I have one word for you intimacy and all the other women that do not understand the difference between intimacy and sex. Oh my goodness you sound so defeated. Feeling loved and getting affection, including sex is important to me. The first and most important thing you should do if your wife is never in the mood is talk about it. She may be experiencing depression or a lack of self-confidence, or maybe she feels like she's failing at this parenting thing. Hopefully I will die and be out of this misery. It was not measurable in his blood. She knows this is a psychological problem and doesnt reflect how I feel about her. After reading this feed, thanks for sharing stories but I know where dirty old man comes from, darn wives holding out! I can literally be ready with just a thought. Brother, your story sounds exactly like mine. I read this article, and it sounds easy to find therapy/solutions. Want to know why? After all of that, the thought of intimacy at night becomes almost like another chore, says Gopa. Meanwhile, I encourage you to keep masturbating. Divorce isnt either Im not ever going to hurt her. . So in summary, WHAT ARE THE OPTIONS IN THIS KIND OF SITUATION? What to do about it: Using lube can help immensely with vaginal dryness and pain, and including more clitoral stimulation and sex toys can help make sure sexual experiences continue to be pleasurable for your wife. She said that I can take care of myself in the shower and that is just fine with her. About 5 years ago (we've been married 29) she started not wanting me to touch her breasts as much and over time stopped letting me touch them altogether. Its only going to get worse. The role only involves the two lovers and an invited therapist they consented to. I hear ya Jose! I think it is up to me to possibly leave my marriage because my husband is not about to change, discuss any issues, or ultimately have sex. His experiences have taught him that being an honest friend who communicates well and giving importance to self-love can go a long way in maintaining loving relationships. My wife and I are in our late 50s and connect wonderfully in all ways. Im only 63 and Ive pretty much just given up. The LW sounds like a loving and considerate husband. My husband has no sex drive at all. We have had a fall out now and it is the elephant Even if you have something as small as a minor headache or you cut yourself while cooking, a loving wife will always be ready to pounce and get the first aid kit. i do not want to go outside the marriage so i guess living with the problem is the. It may be helpful for her to speak with her doctor about her struggles with libido, if relevant, to see if an adjustment in her treatment plan may help. It all goes to show that marriage is worthless and now even worse because there is no sexual obligation. Yes! Ill be living in a van down by the river if we separate. Enjoy your life as my dear friend you only go around once. Back issues and menopause have completely removed my interest in sex. What the heck! I feel your frustration. But I still love her and will be heartbroken when that day comes. Another reason my wife never initiates physical contact may be due to hormonal changes. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Join us online to gain access to exclusive benefits and opportunities only for Senior Planet Supporters! Start your own discussion on this topic on Senior Planet Community. All rights reserved. My wife and my sex life was pretty damn good before she developed breast cancer and had a double mastectomy, even though she went through early menopause (in her 40s). I caught her in a flirtation as she calls it, with her boss. Please explain to me. You bet. I want to turn things around and not give up but its a huge blow to what I thought marriage and my life would be. Make time when you are both relaxed. Thanks for listening. Take time to learn about the secrets of sex all women wish men knew, learn your way around her body and plan a special evening together. Behind heart broken!!! Its no secret that sex after marriage tends to become monotonous, especially if neither partner makes an effort to keep the fire of passion burning. Ya over 40 years with out not a problem. That way both of our sex drive would be fairly low Im a good looking hard-working big hearted man and I immediately told her you better well I dont wanna hurt you. Be gentle and calm when you bring it up. I have had a suspicious breast biopsy. s.src = 'https://EXAMPLE.disqus.com/embed.js'; We never had sex before marriage and on our wedding night he rolled over and went to sleep. My son is in an open marriage (I know this because he and his wife talk about it openly) and it opened my eyes to the reality that it is unrealistic to expect one person to be able to satisfy all of your sexual needs. Weve never had an argument about it, because Im always careful not to sound like Im accusing her. What should the husband do. They seem just as happy as any other married couple. 1. And yes thank goodness for self stimulation but what I wouldnt give for a womans touch!!! If you build sex up to be a giant deal, youre putting pressure on both you and your wife. I pay 90% of the bills, cook most of the meals, and clean (wash my own cloths). It is a great resource for relationship help. Talk about a double standard! But we are kidding ourselves if we somehow justify a womans position requiring fidelity in a sexless marriage. Should a wife forsake any of these advantages for the principle of equality? 1. I end up feeling bad about this as I think I should not be obsessing about it as she often says. Senior Planet Community is our social media platform designed specifically for older adult users. So, youre going to break up a marriage of 43 years, because you dont want to masturbate. But he keeps wanting to try and work on it and cant seem to accept that Im changing as I grow old. He then sits and reads for hours on end. A woman who feels that shes living with a man whocant regain her trust after cheating will most certainly have problems connecting with him on an emotional as well as physical level. In most cases, Ive seen that men dont realize and acknowledge the needs of their wives. He never smiles? They need not be. Didnt mean to lump all this on You but your comment triggered something. Just feel I want to hide away as I know this is not normal . Research published by the National Marriage Project found that couples who make time for date night experience benefits, such as increased sexual satisfaction, improved communication skills, and injecting excitement and passion back into their relationship. Perhaps every month or so she gives me a handjob, rarely a BJ. If the husband happens to be insensitive, it ruins the relationship. It will make you horny as hell, however. In the real world things are very different. Over time, expressions of love change form and that unbridled passion can begin to dull down. Dont know what todo he wont talk about his I just CANNOT do things he EXPECTS from me because of how that makes me feel, ESPECIALLY when it comes to intimacy. Slept in basement for a few years until I built my own space that had an apartment and work shop. The females in my family have unusually strong sex drives. I think my wife [67] realises that with my having ED she no longer has any potential competition so isnt obliged to have sex because I wont be strayingand I dont want her to feel obliged,thats as bad as no sex,so the answer, literally, is in my own hands, my husband has done too many drugs and cant get it up its been six years i need sex. I know couples who watch it together and I believe my wife and her friend are closed minded and in denial of their contribution, or lack thereof in being that person who can meet the wants and needs of their husbands. She would never agree to an open relationship and I shouldnt be unhappy. Nothing before marriage, nothing on our wedding night and little to nothing for the next 46+ years. Talk to your wife about the lack of intimacy, 11 Lovely Ways To Date Your Spouse Spice Up YourMarriage, 200 Newlywed Game Questions For That Instant Bonding, 45 Questions To Ask Your Husband For A Heart-To-Heart Conversation, Why Is Marriage Important? The comments given above is very true. Think of the biblical verse Ecclesiastes 3. She doesnt even let me see her naked. I see my friend for an outing about 2X/month. We have been together since the 80s and there is No ONE else I want to be with. Ive no where to go. If your sex life is devoid of experimenting with new sexual positions, role play, dressing up, creating a sensual ambiance, theres a chance that the same sexual routine has become boring and tiresome for your wife and she has started avoiding all physical contact. Men, if you want sex and the answer at home is no, you can accept that the last time you had sex will be it until you die. Besides intercourse itself, she turns me away when I attempt to initiate some sort of intimacy by kissing or stroking, things she used to love in the past. Reality, we can go easy one yr without sex, he doesnt touch me,nada! She apologies oh well. I have been married for almost 30 years and except for 3 wonderful children our sex life has been hit and miss. She looks at it like I was cheating on her. Youre guessing that your wife might have vaginal atrophy, but you dont know. As sex therapist Vanessa Marin, LMFT, once told mbg, "There's a two-way relationship between relationship satisfaction and sexual desire.". My other half dosent get it and keeps going on and on about it. I have read here about mostly women who do not desire sex, but let me tell you, men not wanting or giving their female partners sex is an unmentionable crisis in our homes. If theres no intimacy in your marriage from your wife and youve realized that she may be suffering through mental health issues, Bonobologys panel of experienced therapists can help guide your partner through this turbulent time, and perhaps re-establish the harmonious relationship you yearn for. Hormones. We have never had oral sex, partly because she informed me she had contracted fenital herpes from a prior relationship, but was under control. I love her. about this, nothing will change. It makes me feel sick. In some cases, this can escalate intopostpartum depression, which is a common reason why many women experience a lack of sexual desire after childbirth. Most stay in the marriage because of kids and the men cheat as they should. Weekly turned into Monthly then every 3 or 4 months question about sex. It takes two. At age 69, were certainly way beyond the procreation stage. Holding on and hoping we can work it out, for now Im giving him space. If you have a hunch your wife is dealing with body image issues, gently bring it up with her, and see if there are ways you can support herwithout making it seem like you're critiquing her body or suggesting she needs to change the way she looks. What is the solution? I am very sexually frustrated and a different Danish upbringing with a healthy attitude. Now the difficult part. I met a man at work a while back, he was attracted to me, he was in a sexless marriage (so he said). Having sex will actually help you physically and can add years to your life. She wanted me to be sexual with her, but would not reciprocate. I hate her for cheating me out of sex. Perfectly happy and have intention to change it. Im mid 50s married man who has ED and low T. I have always had a lower desire. He retired a decade ago against my wishes. As a kid I grew up without Christmas or birthdays. I love you, but I am not happy this way. With out being rude . I love him and want to please him even if I feel nothing or just help him reach release. My wife and I hadnt had sex for more than a year. What to do about it: Make time to emotionally connect with each other and rekindle your soul connection. Now Im in my mid-50s, but have no problems whatsoever getting primed for sex. Glenn, as a man to another man; its time to let that person go. Im considering leaving altogether and realize it will put a financial strain on both of us although we have significant cash equity in our home which can make it much easier in retirement. Well -they dont. Ohio M in same situation and when I bring it up she always says well why dont you just get a divorce. And perhaps. I appreciate the fact that my wife has stayed with. I had a few clients who had a baby and found it difficult to start getting physically intimate with their spouses again because theyre not comfortable with their bodies, says Gopa. Have some fun with someone now and then would help .. any reply on if cheating what to look at to find someone Where???? And Marley, I deeply sorry for your situation. struggles or clinical depression? State your case, either put out or leave me get some on the side, because you dont care. However, if both partners are not okay with a sexless marriage, your relationship wont survive. How about just being happy with love and affection? Married a little over 50 years! Same for women who refuse to engage in sex with their partners. We married late, were both 40, and our sex life was fantastic. Our world is obsessed with sex and without understanding the unity of compassion, respect, close bonds after many years of being together. Start by considering and working through any and all interpersonal, emotional, and relationship issues. Hes changing tooisnt capable of long walks or hikes anymore, which is still something I love to do. Susan!!! Why would he ever have too? this.page.url = PAGE_URL; She has rejected counseling and even criticizes my masterbation or porn. Dont hold it against her. We are all just CroMagnon reborn. I had to fend for myself, and I could have done that before we were married. Women provide fertility, nurturing, and resourcefulness. In recent times, our sex life has begun to resemble our early 20s again, even better because contraception is in the rearview mirror. This will make intimacy a million times more enjoyable for both partners.
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